The web, and how to sling it
I have had several heated discussions both online and in person with people about the communication with people in an online context, and subsequent meeting in a "close proximity" situation. There seems to be an irrational stigma attached to meeting people online, indeed, something wrong with anyone who would make first contact and arrange face to face meetings by this particular medium.
Personally, I can't see what all the fuss is about. I'm not talking about dating or sexual encounters (necessarily) just meeting likeminded people and finding common ground for entertainment and discussion. I have met more than a few people this way personally, and find only one distinction to set it aside from any other form of communication, that being the potential for initial anonymity.
A good many people have made my acquaintance through discussion boards based around various topics, mostly related to music. Not that I am a musician myself, I can be found at a live band at least once a week, usually more often. So, finding people on certain discussions with whom I had already spent considerable hours, though obviously without any direct communication, meeting them at a consequent show of a band we had discussed online is not that strange, as all parties involved are aware the others will be in the same venue for the same reason. Hell, we were probably going to be there anyway, now there's just someone to look for.
This is only one way such meetings may come about, but it is a good example. Some of these relationships have developed further, to the point where arrangements are made online for the sole purpose of each others' company. Such arrangements are usually on a larger scale, and many a party, barbecue and dinner have I attended on the basis of such proposals. When asked why I would want to spend time with "people I met on the internet", my immediate response was "Why not?"
I wonder with whom it is not weird to spend time with, and how they are met. Workmates? Pretty random way to meet people. Schoolmates? Equally random. Friends? Well, how do we make friends anyway? Surely, this is random. Spending time with one's family has a lot more obligation attached, but even this is a pretty random way to meet people, and you don't really have any choice in that at all.
I also considered whether making an arrangement to meet people by electronic communication was weird. Are interpersonal relationships only acceptably "normal" when made face to face? What about if it is by written correspondence? Or by putting up posters on street posts? Or by billboards? Or telephone? Text message? Smoke signal? Telegraph? Fax? Does it matter? I don't think so, and to all my friends I have met from the online community and stay in contact with by email, discussion board, blog comments, and personal message: I hold you in equal regard to those I have met in other, equally random circumstances.
I wonder if the first cave painters copped this much flak...
Personally, I can't see what all the fuss is about. I'm not talking about dating or sexual encounters (necessarily) just meeting likeminded people and finding common ground for entertainment and discussion. I have met more than a few people this way personally, and find only one distinction to set it aside from any other form of communication, that being the potential for initial anonymity.
A good many people have made my acquaintance through discussion boards based around various topics, mostly related to music. Not that I am a musician myself, I can be found at a live band at least once a week, usually more often. So, finding people on certain discussions with whom I had already spent considerable hours, though obviously without any direct communication, meeting them at a consequent show of a band we had discussed online is not that strange, as all parties involved are aware the others will be in the same venue for the same reason. Hell, we were probably going to be there anyway, now there's just someone to look for.
This is only one way such meetings may come about, but it is a good example. Some of these relationships have developed further, to the point where arrangements are made online for the sole purpose of each others' company. Such arrangements are usually on a larger scale, and many a party, barbecue and dinner have I attended on the basis of such proposals. When asked why I would want to spend time with "people I met on the internet", my immediate response was "Why not?"
I wonder with whom it is not weird to spend time with, and how they are met. Workmates? Pretty random way to meet people. Schoolmates? Equally random. Friends? Well, how do we make friends anyway? Surely, this is random. Spending time with one's family has a lot more obligation attached, but even this is a pretty random way to meet people, and you don't really have any choice in that at all.
I also considered whether making an arrangement to meet people by electronic communication was weird. Are interpersonal relationships only acceptably "normal" when made face to face? What about if it is by written correspondence? Or by putting up posters on street posts? Or by billboards? Or telephone? Text message? Smoke signal? Telegraph? Fax? Does it matter? I don't think so, and to all my friends I have met from the online community and stay in contact with by email, discussion board, blog comments, and personal message: I hold you in equal regard to those I have met in other, equally random circumstances.
I wonder if the first cave painters copped this much flak...
posted by The Last Scientician at 10:12 PM
7 Comments:
i met someone on the internet but they turned out to be someone i already knew, so i suppose it doesn't count. In face to face conversation no-one is going to wait five minutes while you construct a particularly witty reply for them and i think people that you know only from what they write are much easier to idealise. i know a man who writes beautifully but when I speak to him it is hard for me to resist punching him in the face.
Oh, yes indeed, it allows for a greater deal of deception, either intentional or unconscious, but then, we can be deceived in person as well. Even by those we assume to know well.
Agreed that, no matter how we meet anyone, it all comes down to chance. And, the chance of meeting any specific person at all beyond immediate family seems to me exceedingly unlikely. (Depending how far you look back, I guess - the chance of meeting your mother's friend's child who is the same age as you is pretty high, but what was the chance that the two mothers met? And so on. If that makes no sense, I know waht I'm TRYING to say.)
Anyway - in the end, if you meet someone and you get along well and you become friends, who gives a rat's how you met?
Also agree that meeting in written form (and there are nuances, depending on whether it's, say, good ol' pen-and-paper letters or email or instant messenger) gives some of us (those who can write OK, at least) the opportunity to be more confident than may be the case face to face. Having a couple of minutes to tyhink of the right thing to say is invaluable. In face to face conversation I can count on one hand of a fictional woman who lost several fingers in an industrial accident the number of times I've hit the mark with instant, witty repartee. And I oculdn't even count on both hands of a fictional thousand-fingered mutant man the number of times that I've thought 2 minutes too late, "Damn! I should have said THAT."
Is that deception? If one is wittier (or whatever) online than face to face? Or is it it simply that one is wittier (or whatever) online than face to face?
That can be a rhetorical question or not, depending on whatever anyone who reads it decides.
I don't think it is rhetorical. Of course some folk I have met in person have had surprisingly different personalities that their online behaviour did not hint at. I think some people flourish in a textual relationship, while others are more at home in a one on one conversation. Rare is the creature who is equally at home in either face-to-face or somewhat more anonymous forms of communication.
Did the first cave writers leave notes like "hairy neaderthal seeks same for grunting sessions"?
If they did, they would have deserved ridicule.
Anyway, catch you at the next DDC- I'll wear a red beanie so you know it's me.
thomasr
hello science.
the thing is that i've met quite alot of rather amazing people online. through blogs and photos. but here's the tricky part... when someone knows who you are, and you are oblivious. that's a little weird. and can be creepy. also people can totally end up reading too much about someone they've just met... and being really dissapointed in the real thing... or expect too much from them. want to be apart of it. live vicariously. etc, etc...
i would be happy to meet anyone who really takes an interest in anything i go on about... i'd meet them more than once if they have something to offer also...
i've met loads of people through the internet. it's quite nice to be appreciated for one's mental capacity or wit (where applicable) rather than judged within those crucial 3 seconds on looks/dress.
aside from that, however, there is also the bonus of having a shared interest. i am part of an online photographic community and have made many friends through it. naturally, as in "real life" there are always people with whom i don't get along or simply dislike.
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